You know it's not about free speech.

This last week has been a surreal experience. As much as I don't want to write about Chick-Fil-A ever again, I have to say one last word about it.

I don't know about you, but when Mike Huckabee tells me where to go, I go there! I do what Mike Huckabee says. After all, this dude definitely knows good fried chicken when he sees it. I only watch Huckabee after I've had a couple of good strong Long Island Iced Teas, usually from Applebees (be jealous of my hot suburban life). If I'm a little buzzed, I'll watch Huckabee and enjoy pointing out that he gained a lot of weight back. For some reason when I'm slightly drunk, I find that really funny. I like to point at him and make pig noises. I also enjoy imitating his tailor, who no doubt doesn't want to have to rebuild the Governor's entire wardrobe again.

When the former Governor and Baptist minister called for Chick-Fil-A appreciation day, you knew the people would turn out in droves. But what I loved more than watching the parade of Fox News viewers sitting in hours of traffic, by their own choice, was listening to their reason for being there: Free Speech.

According to those who went and supported Chick-Fil-A this last week, they did so to show their support for CEO Dan Cathy's right to free speech. The people I talked to about this seem to think that a CEO of a very profitable fast food company may be in danger of losing his right to free speech when he comes out and says he's opposed to gay marriage. Sorry, I should say he supports "traditional biblical marriage".



I know he means "one man, one woman" but he left out the concubines, slaves, his brother's wife should his brother pass away, and he left out that if his daughter were to be raped, she'd have to marry her rapist. Not to mention the payments received by the brides family in exchange for her, prearranged years in advance by the 2 families. These guys always miss out on the really good Bible stuff. The idea of marrying for love is actually a fairly recent thing.



Let's not forget, the whole controversy began because CFA gave over 5 million dollars of their corporate profits to "Pro-Family" causes.

"Pro-Family". Doesn't sound like it would ever hurt you does it? Almost sounds like a really good thing. Who isn't "pro-family"? I have a wife and 2 kids. I'm very close with my parents, and have a great relationship with them. I was close to my grandparents, and I stay close with my aunts, uncles, and cousins as much as I can. My idea of family is a lot like the family from the Cosby Show. It's a big group of people, who love and support one another. And let's face it, who didn't adore the Cosby Show growing up? I'll watch hours of Cosby Show reruns to this day. I still love it. So what could possibly be bad about "pro-family" activist groups?

Let me point something out about "Pro-Family" groups: These people are fond of saying that what they engage in is not hate speech. They say they support the biblical definition of marriage, again without the concubines, slaves, rape, incest etc. But they actively work against creating families that they don't like.

In fact one guy, Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council (certified hate group) says he'd like to export homosexuals from the US. Doesn't exactly give you the warm fuzzies that the idea of "family" is supposed to conjure up, does it?


Exodus International, a beneficiary of Chick-Fil-A's Family Friendly Funding Spree (I made that phrase up) has spent nearly 4 decades claiming they can cure gays. News has just recently come out that founder Alan Chambers has now renounced that idea. After 40 years of not "curing" one gay person, and himself being married to a woman and still having gay attractions, I can imagine how that would shake your faith in the idea of repairative gay therapy. Chick-Fil-A may want invest somewhere else from now on. My suggestion is that they match the donations they made to Exodus International and give it to The Trevor Project. www.trevorproject.org

And lest we forget, the National Organization for Marriage. I find it odd that these guys aren't doing much to make divorce illegal. No, the 7 marriages between Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich were all sacred and holy, and should not be tarnished by 2 men who are actually in love.

But, let's step back a second. These guys claim they're "pro family". Here's an interesting fun fact: the Ku Klux Klan doesn't claim to be anti-black. They claim to be pro white. They say that black people should be proud of their race, they should just be proud on a different continent. In a sense, the klan, those inbred sheet bearers, claim the same amount of tolerance as the Family Research Council. That's just something to ponder. Maybe puke about it later.









But, again, what was the rallying cry around this particular call for white meat power? (relax it's a joke, I'm not calling you racist.) Free Speech.

The folks who spent hours in traffic at the Chick-Fil-A, or Chick-Fil-Aters, said they were supporting free speech. So I'm sure we'll see them at Starbucks for Human Rights Campaign/GLAAD Appreciation day on August 7. I'm sure these fine folks will continue to support Google, Microsoft, Home Depot, JC Penny, Sears, and KFC. After all, Free Speech and freedom of religion are what it's all about.


These guys are pretty free with their own free speech. If you can say that on the air, and be exempted from paying taxes, I think your freedom of speech is safe. God help the rest of us.

That's what I really think.

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More to come